Helens Blog

One down, seven to go.

All went smoothly up until I got in the room. Had I got started straight away I may have been okay but the nurses weren’t ready for me which gave me ample time to panic. Reality hit big, big time. Paul was off parking the car and my desire to run took over. Started to cry and feel sick. The nurse I saw previously took me aside and calmed down, then Paul arrived. I knew I had to get on with it and thought of the messages of support from you and then my desire to get on with it took over. The thought of not going through with it was worse than the dread of having the treatment so best arm forward…

Next comes the pain so fast forward this paragraph if at all squeamish as I promised myself I would tell you like it is. They tried the first vein on my left hand, which hurt like hell. That vein popped (what a cute term!), then the same thing happened with the second vein a bit further up, this hurt even more. I won’t pretend I was brave or strong because I was a real woss and cried like a baby. Third time lucky (I actually said thank you!) with some numbing cream and a different nurse. Wo hoo all systems engaged.

The drip and drugs themselves were weird. The red one first which had the aforementioned effect then two more syringes. All felt tingly, sore and sensitive, bit like getting over pins and needles. This I could handle. Nurse was super and talked me though it all and answered all questions. Meds given with strict instructions to take them tomorrow at the right time. Paul was brilliant throughout, with the exception of some naff jokes that he thought would lighten the mood but I found plain irritating!

Almost forgot the highlight of the visit was this dear little old lady volunteer who came around and offered not just sandwiches, but crisps, biscuits and drink as well. Then Paul got to choose too! I think I’ll have my appointment at lunchtime every week. Any takers for free lunch on 9th May?

Home by 2.15pm, hopefully quicker next time as I hope they can put a doo-dah in my neck so I am not a pin cushion each time. Although it will be a permanent reminder of my new status it will be a small price to pay for less pain and swearing next session. Have had cuppa and lots of small bottles of water that my lovely friend Joanne left for me to have. The perfect present as I have been told to drink lots although I think we both would prefer the alcoholic variety.

Boys off to their piano shortly then quick tea, then cubs (I want their lives to remain as unaffected as possible). Me, well I am on the sofa with a yogurt, the water and another cuppa. Have take painkillers as headache and sore arm need treatment, feel a bit groggy like getting over a hangover. Dreading the side effects starting, wish I could tell which ones I am going to get. There I go again needing control!

Well my friend I needed you today and you were there for me. Once more once less as my mum used to say. Please stay in touch and keep the vibes, prayers, support, food, drink and offers of company and childcare coming.

Fingers crossed for side effect limitation!
Til the next blog
Helen xxxx

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Hockerill St,Bishop’s Stortford,United Kingdom

Sickness…

Throwing up isn’t so grand. Keeping very still and not moving my head as I type. In bed with water (room temperature, teeny tiny sips) and longing for the time to take next anti-sickness tablet.

Hope to get you on board with my “Helen’s funky hair coverings” competition, more details to follow.

Will sign off now as need to keep even more still, keep the sun shining for me and I’ll update you on my first night post-treatment on the morrow,
H xxx

PS thank you for reading this and being there, you are being more help to me than you will ever know x

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Hockerill St,Bishop’s Stortford,United Kingdom

Much, much better than expected…

I left you last night with a very dodgy stomach and a head that couldn’t move. I fell asleep watching ” The Apprentice” and only woke at the end of “You’ve Been Fired” so not really worth watching it again which is always disappointing. You find me today in a much better state.

My night was disrupted by waking after every sleep cycle and assessing whether I needed the toilet, a drink, to be sick or to put the tv on. After the assessment I mostly went back to sleep, so a good night altogether. Took anti-sickness table around 6pm which meant I could have my weetabix. Even treated myself to a sprinkle of sugar, such times have never been known in this house, the boys asked what I was doing!

Been on the peppermint tea all day (“What is that smell?” was the boys question!). That has really helped with the nausea which is what I have been feeling the rest of the day although it has helped when I have eaten. We have eaten like royalty today. Alison bought round lasagne, all ready for the freezer and some small puddings that I can scoff when I need a quick sugar fix. Kate delivered a fantastic marbled chocolate fudge cake, half of which has disappeared (yes I did fancy a small slice but everyone else had two pieces and groaned when I said the rest could be for tomorrow!). Julie then delivered (with a two hugs – thank you Debbie) a delicious cottage pie which was devoured (before the cake, there are some things you just can’t let slip!) tonight and I managed a small helping too. Lots of veg for my children too so I feel ok with them having fishfingers tomorrow now. Paul is very good a putting stuff together from the freezer but not so hot on the “from scratch” method of dinner preparation. So thank you ladies for you kind cooking, it keeps me happy that the children’s bowels will continue to function!

An hour of company this morning was lovely. Just right for a coffee and a catch up with Ali and Kate. Good to feel normal things and let you see that I haven’t grown two heads. Talking of positive things I am going to update my list as I have more things to add. Will do that next.

Boys in bed now and c-day 1 + 1 is nearly over. Hopefully tomorrow will be more a further improvement and I can manage more food.

I am reading every comment and absorbing the strength from them daily. It is so very early days for me that I am scared that you’ll get bored and think I won’t need you as much as time goes on. Please pace yourselves and know that I will need you and food and support and company next week, next month and next year.

Thank you again and here’s to more food tomorrow
H xxxx

Yes I managed two weetabix, after a good nights sleep.

Tablets taken, breakfast eaten, children to school and music group and a long bath. Bliss….

Tablets taken, lunch eaten (small jacket potato and prawns), Bargain Hunt watched, jumped on by small boy with smelly nappy, back to bed for a lie down. Bliss…

Laughed and cried at blog comments, surprise parcel received (thank you Clarey), boys return, rest of cake eaten, energy to converse and play. Bliss…

Stomach still feels sensitive but not the nausea so much as yesterday. Wrote about my hair competition, get your entries in as I feel the blog needs more visual impact.

Paul picked up the plants that I ordered from the school. one hanging basket and two strawberry plants. Hope to get them in when I stops raining. Also cancelled our spot at the school car boot sale tomorrow. It’s a real shame as I love doing that sort of thing but I know it would set me back and it isn’t Paul’s thing at all. A bit frustrating as I had got all the stuff organised but I need to put it in context that there will be other times to sell and at least I can stay at home in the dry. Hope it goes well for everyone though.

This made me remember it is a good friends birthday today. Happy birthday Tamsin, one before one of the big ones! I am upset that I can’t be with my friend to enjoy it. It does however make me determined to enjoy the next one with her and all the ones thereafter. Please celebrate today and enjoy the moment, whatever it might be. You never know when the choice might not be available.

Well I shall sign off now, a bit earlier than usual. Dinner is sorted by my wonderful husband and it’s Saturday tomorrow, just the homework to get through!

Will check in again with you tomorrow and hopefully sharing the news of three weetabix!

Love to you all and enjoy the occasion
Helen xxxx

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Dane St,Bishop’s Stortford,United Kingdom

Lots going on between then and now.

Well it has been a couple of days since my update, but even star bloggers need the weekend off and to receive inspiration. Saturday and Sunday were quiet for me. Intended to do the car boot sale at school. Had umpteen boxes of toys, books and general stuff to sell, all in the utility room and on the landing. Guess where they are now…that right in the garage! Paul knew that the boxes would surround me, enclose me and invade my dreams so he moved them. Treated ourselves to chinese take-away that night but was disappointed in the fact that I couldn’t eat very much, always sad when you see prawn crackers left.

Sunday I have to say a big thank you to Steph who took no 1 and 2 child to football training then to St George’s day parade. I have to confess I went back to bed and dozed in front of the marathon, had a shower then dozed for the rest of the day. Not like me at all, no get up and go. My super-star runner friend Kate ran on Sunday and came in under 4 hours. In between the dozing I was concentrating, honestly!

Now today has been a major change in the hair. Let me know what you think…
From this…

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To this…

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Thank you Tracey my friend and hairdresser.

Appointment with the consultant (well one of his followers) who had a strong italian accent but was very nice. Didn’t have to wait too long either although I could do without the long walk in the rain from car park to appointment and back again. Come on the sunshine, make us all feel better!

More thanks go to Ali F who looked after not just one but all three boys as well as her two after school today and there was a rumour of baking chocolate cakes as I left. Friends just don’t get any better. Had soup in pub, with three rolls and butter (for those of you who are concerned about my food intake) so am at present very happy with my state, unlike Paul who is swearing under his breath at the pool game on his phone…ho hum.

Am getting lots of pictures for my funky hair competition (see link above) but need you all to take part as I need the courage to wear my wig with pride. Please email your photos to me to share as I didn’t foresee the difficulty in uploading to the blog for you. Knightowl@fantasticme.org .
All entries welcome from animal, vegetable or mineral. Pictures will be added to the blog shortly, as will me in my new hair but I must have at least three more competition entries before I do! Oh I do love making up the rules as I go along!

Well time this ticking by and I must have a cuddle from my boys and share my hair with them.
Lots and lots of love to you dear friend and stay with me
H xxx

Eaten very very well today!

Had my oldest friend Esther round for coffee this morning, oldest in the fact that we have known each other since nursery. I have vivid memories (and many embarrassing pictures) of us in the infant performances as fire girls, complete with chime bars to ding. The peak of my musical career to date. Esther bought cake which always goes down well and particularly now as I am eating only what I fancy. I did share though. And she bought chocolates, which I didn’t.

We were rudely interrupted by phone calls from the hospital, don’t they know I have gossip to keep up with! Sort of good news. I was going into hospital on Friday anyway for a CT scan, nil by mouth three hours before. Those of you who have shared a house with me or indeed even a meal will know that I don’t do hungry very well. Still by my calculations I could still eat breakfast and be fine for 11.30 appointment. Oh no that plan has been scuppered. They now would like me in for 9.30 to have the aforementioned (I really like that word) doo dah fixed into my vein, so I can receive the drugs without having to be stuck with needles. Good in the long term but now I have to be nil by mouth 4 hours before, from 5.30am! The nurse told me to set my alarm to have an early breakfast, I don’t need telling twice. The worst thing is is after the insertion of the doo dah is over I still can’t have anything to eat and the scan appointment could take an hour and a half! I most definitely did not sign up for this.

Will have to up my eating to compensate for Friday. Dinner was an absolutely delicious lasagne made my my good friend Ali W. It was gobbled up so very quickly but I managed to save me and youngest some for tomorrow. Thank you Ali, you know the way to make me feel better.

Lovely surprises in the post. From the lovely Gilly-willy, a little book of blue that made me smile all the way through and from Verity a card and a hug from Carol. It is these things that make you such a special person, the ways you show me you care. There is hardly an hour in every day that goes by that I don’t receive a text, an email, a Facebook communication, a phone call, a present, a visit or a virtual hug. I am, as I have said before, truly humbled by your friendship and love. Thank you.

Tomorrow more catching up with a not quite so old pal (not sure exactly her age but she looks good!). Keep up the good work, the flattering comments about my hair (do I really look younger- should have done it years ago!), and the competition entries.

Lots of love and sweet dreams
Your friend Helen xxx

Not much to report today

An old friend around for coffee (I failed to find put how old though), but I did play a little trick. What is the use of having the means and not taking advantage. I wore my new wig for the first hour and she didn’t realise! It was such a confidence boost, thank you Helen G. Thank you for all you brought with you too, I do like being looked after. The wig did begin to feel a bit uncomfortable but I am hoping that is because my hair is squashed underneath. Great feeling of looking good and not feeling as though everyone will be noticing. Need to get a wiggle on with the scarves though as I think they will be more practical day to day. I still want to get my blue bob and have been recommended a place in Harlow so will be paying them a visit on Friday after my fasting!

That’s all folks for today. More entries have been added on the competition link above so get yours in soon. Helen suggested a Hatfield Forest funky hair event. This I am pondering but it could be the start of a whole new movement!

Stay dry my friend
Love Helen xxx

Wow, completely blown away.

When you go into town for a coffee with friends you expect a good catch up, a strong drink and a tasty bite to eat, you don’t expect to be completely floored by their thoughtfulness, kindness and generosity. Thank you ladies for your literary gift, I am truly overwhelmed still. I will think of you both each time I use it and it will make the hard times ahead very much easier to cope with.

My hair has had a very good response. I must say it has been a long time since I blow dried my hair with any effort to style. My old hair needed minimal attention, even on a work day, so having something considerably shorter and needing more body is a bit of a shock, still it won’t be for much longer and then all I will do is brush and go!

Had a lovely long chat to my “mum” this afternoon. She has been such a strong source of support for me in the last few years since loosing my mum and more recently my dear nana. Great to catch up and thank you for being there for me, things aren’t the easiest for you at the moment either and yet you still have so much time and energy for me. I know we can help each other now and many more times in the future, and I do so love your victoria sponge cakes!

Well I think I have piled on the calories today in an effort to bulk up for tomorrow. Four sausages at dinner did seem a lot but I managed them. Have decided to set the alarm for 5am and have a very early breakfast. A cooked one was suggested but I think I’ll settle for porridge, and lots of it. Have packed my goody bag too, banana, jelly, chocolate and custard. Paul suggested he had fish and chips waiting for me but I think that may be frowned upon in the radiology department, although he probably would end up taking their orders too!

More offers of support have come my way today in the guise of my school mum friends. Even those who don’t know me very well have offered what they can. I am glad word is spreading because I most certainly want to share this experience with all who want to travel with me. I hope we can all assess what is important in our lives and make positive changes to make better for us and all around.

One thing you can all do for me (besides the funky hair competition – more entries added!) is keep 1st July free and join us in the Race for Life. More details to follow from Ali W (project manager) and Kate M (branding). A fab idea and one that includes picnic food afterwards will always have my vote.

Lots of highs today and tears of joy and sadness shed but on the whole a really good day. Another friend at the door has just said my hair makes me look younger, why didn’t you tell me I was looking old!

Thank you once again for reading and supporting. If you are up at 5am give me a ring and we can natter over some porridge, otherwise I shall see what has been recorded that I am not allowed to watch when anyone else is around and hopefully enjoy two whole hours of “Silent Witness”.

Til my starvation is over dear friend,
Helen xxxx

Only just got in at 4pm. In pain and discomfort big time. Long, long day and feel like a pin cushion. No more for now as need to rest and lay still before next painkillers can be taken. Worry ye not as I’ll fill you in on the morrow dear friend,
H x

Bruised and battered but painkillers working!

Well dear friend, what a day, what a day indeed. Real lows but incredible highs too. Boys dropped off at school and Jeans (our fabulous childminder, who is so much more than that) so on our way to hospital for the minor op to insert a portacath and have a CT scan. Incredibly, arriving at 9.15 you can get a parking space in the hospital grounds. Feeling the sun shining and confident that the car park ticket would be ample time I strode towards radiology. Water and snacks in hand, stomach full from my 5am porridge. Got to the department and was soon settled my very own cubicle. Fetching hospital gown that was rather last season soon adorned me and I got comfortable on the trolley bed with my kindle and water bottle. Nursing staff lovely and kept reassuring me it would be soon that the doctor would see me to sign the consent form. Well I waited and waited and waited. Did enjoy watching the comings and goings of the radiology department. Anyway to cut a long wait short I met doctor (Partridge, on the first day of christmas my true love sent to me…) and got taken down about 11am, an hour and a half later than expected. Then the fun started…

Jack, I shall call him because that was his name, attempted to stick a needle in the crook (great word) of my left arm in order to insert a cannula to get the antibiotics in after the operation. Well the reason I was undergoing the insertion of the portacath was because my veins are small and it really really hurts to have this done. He tried and tried, I cried and cried. Not the best start. Lots of conversation going on above me, which in itself is distressing, about my veins, syringes and alternatives. Doctor P then tried to get a vein, without success so agreed to do the antibiotics intravenously. Now this had been agreed I felt calmer but then all the op prep started, starting with me being covered in blue to keep me clean innocent of the procedure. To be absolutely fair he was a super doctor and did explain everything that he was doing and all that I should or shouldn’t be feeling but I just don’t handle lack of control. First of all lots of horrible stinging injections of local anaesthetic, then cutting, inserting of tube, inserting of portacath, then sewing, interspersed with lots more stinging injections. All of which was done with my head facing right, looking out beneath a cloak of blue, holding a nurses hand. She did take every opportunity to get the things the doctor needed in order to shake her hand out, I was squeezing very very tightly. Be warned that if you come to any occasion with me that your fingers will be bruised! Nurse Sue kept me going throughout. She was a lovely, lovely lady who kept talking about her family, her pets, her holidays in such a way that kept me distracted from the awfulness that was going on. I know so many people go through so much worse but when you are there, that is not what goes though your mind.

Chest x- ray then back to my cubicle after an hour and a half (nearly 12.30 by this time), longing for a cup of tea but no! Nil by mouth for the CT scan, except it wasn’t nothing it was a litre of aniseed drink, not my favourite flavour but it looked a damn sight more appetising than the milky liquid my fellow patents were downing. An hour to drink that, then oh joy of joys, a cannula need to be put in my vein in order to inject the dye for the CT scan to work. This I really did try for as I put it in the “the last time this’ll be done” box. Now someone else’s turn to try, the superintendent of the scanning. “Found a lovely one there” she said, “that’s a good one”. Need I say more , you know the rest of the story. Doctor P came back and tried again and did succeed in the back of my right hand. Paul’s turn (again) to have his fingers squashed, I think it was the opposite hand to last time!

The scan itself was fine, and over in seconds, although when the dye went in I did feel as though I had wet myself! And the room was really cool, it kept changing colour, which gave me something else to thinks about as I was predicting the next colour in the sequence. Finally I had the chance to have biscuits, tea and more food. Now it was about 2.15, 9 hours since my delicious porridge, and strangely enough I had not felt hungry at all. Even my stomach had shut down for the day! I. More than made up for it later with my dinner (fish and chips) and pudding (carrot cake, sent from Jean).

Dinner wash definitely a highlight, as was the post on my doormat. Clarey wins the “who can send Helen the most cards” prize. Defiantly cheered me up to hear about her supporting role in Kate’s marathon achievement. And, and, and not one but two parcels from Heather M, a beautiful scarf and a guardian angel in one and a fab blue wig in the other, watch this space for the photo! Thank you dear friends for all the cards and pressies, your inspiration to cheer me up is endless xxx

Now to bring you up to date. It is 11am and I plan to stay in bed as I find it upsetting not to be able to give my Samson a cuddle in case he squeezes too tight on my tender chest. I am being spoilt with cups of tea, chats to you and actually enjoying the prospect of doing nothing much of any use to humanity. Long long blog today so will be quiet tomorrow then fill you on on Monday after my next hospital visit (straightforward “flushing” of my new doo-dah). Looking forward to a normal week once the wounds start to heal before my C2 dat.

Keep the communication coming and let me know your news,
Have a good one!
Helen xxx